Got to read your blog. My reaction was one of
surprise because I assumed all along that you knew I
was gay (Totoo nga yata ang kasabihan na 'maraming
namamatay sa akala). But I did not feel like I was
obliged to announce it to everyone, though. And no, I
was not trying to cover this up by being 'macho' or
something. J and other friends in Bangkok know
about it.
T is deeply in love with someone else, and she
knows who I have fallen for. What you saw between us
is really just a closeness between two friends,
nothing more.
I was taken aback by your blog, and by the strong
emotions that were reflected in it, so I did not
contact you at once after I read about it. I was also
going through some emotional stuff myself because I
was then about to leave Bangkok, which has been a great
experience for me. What I will miss most are the
friendships I have made, including yours. I hope this
will not be damaged because of this obvious
misunderstanding.
Hope you are feeling a bit okay now. Please email
back.
Regards, R
May 21, 2008
May 12, 2008
Regular Coke
10 May 2008
I often wondered each time I go to the gym why the Coke fridge is the first thing one sees displayed in the reception lobby. More than Coke monopolizing the gym market, I now have another answer.
Last night had been especially difficult for sleeping. I did not have a half-second of unconsciousness at all. As I rode the taxi home last night I knew this was to be expected after a particularly devastating disappointment. I organized a farewell karaoke party for a friend who was ending a research study after several months in Bangkok. What was supposed to be a chance for me to get more ‘up close and personal’ with this guy whom I’ve been attracted to for some time now, turned out to be quite a shocking turn of events because the man actually brought along a girl who was obviously crazy about him and came dressed nicely as if to indulge his last moments in the city. I met the girl weeks earlier when the man had coerced me into going to Sunday mass with him where apparently she also goes for Church services. Needless to say she completely ignored me after the polite introductions were done.
The fact that my friends suspected he might be gay made me furious with myself for not letting go right away and so ended up being slapped in the face with this awkwardness. For me the thousand dollar questions remained unanswered for life: “is he truly gay trying to cover it up by bringing along a smitten friend, or is he someone on his way to saying goodbye to Bangkok in the classic macho fashion?” As usual I vowed not to let it affect me but ended up tossing and turning in bed, growing more furious as I battled to nod off till the early dawn.
Last night I casually snubbed a last minute invitation by this friend to continue the party in Khao San road by saying I had an early morning gym session. The sleeplessness therefore added to my tension because I knew I can’t be able to do a decent workout if I did not get any sleep. It wasn’t my first late night party with gym the next morning.
It took my trainor two seconds’ glance at my face to know I will die that morning. He quickly adjusted the exercises by not adding the usual heavy weights. In the midst of a particularly sweat-drenched running exercise I kind of spilled my night’s torture. This was after he began telling me how his day started with a feeling of wanting to kill someone. “Me too!” I exclaimed. One thing about my expensive young hot trainor is that he quickly and unmistakably recognizes attraction and destruction in women. “Is it work? That’s why you had no sleep?” was the initial polite inquiry that gave options of one, answering gracefully like Aubrey Hepburn or two, bawling like Kathy Bates. He was clearly prepared for both.
“It wasn’t work, it was some asshole”, and then the dramatic misstep that made me loose a little footing. Realizing I was genuinely weak and not just trying to get out of a difficult exercise, he let me stop and rest. He urged me to entertain myself, relax and not to bother with it anymore. Because not many men are comfortable advising women about men, I felt grateful for this show of concern about my emotional well-being. But this meant that the session must end if I am to make it through the rest of the day. As I was signing out he bought me my first regular Coke drink in over five years. He said it’s an emergency energy booster as I clearly needed more sugar than usual. “And next time don’t come to work-out if you’ve had no sleep” he advised. I thought he was quite sweet to get me that Coke to renew my flagging strength. I didn’t reply that for a really shitty emotional state, the exercise somewhat helped my body to release the happy hormones.
So before showering I popped that Coke as if to save my life. My fatigue got me quite concerned as even my appetite was not working despite the workout and the fact that it was nearing lunch time. And sure enough, like an athlete who starved his body of carbohydrates several days before competition, then takes it in full measure to maximize its effects, the sugar and caffeine kicked in like a new drug. Hell, I even bought new training shoes to complement the energy boost.
And so I learned an important tip for that day. If I haven’t learned anything else this would be good enough for now.
I often wondered each time I go to the gym why the Coke fridge is the first thing one sees displayed in the reception lobby. More than Coke monopolizing the gym market, I now have another answer.
Last night had been especially difficult for sleeping. I did not have a half-second of unconsciousness at all. As I rode the taxi home last night I knew this was to be expected after a particularly devastating disappointment. I organized a farewell karaoke party for a friend who was ending a research study after several months in Bangkok. What was supposed to be a chance for me to get more ‘up close and personal’ with this guy whom I’ve been attracted to for some time now, turned out to be quite a shocking turn of events because the man actually brought along a girl who was obviously crazy about him and came dressed nicely as if to indulge his last moments in the city. I met the girl weeks earlier when the man had coerced me into going to Sunday mass with him where apparently she also goes for Church services. Needless to say she completely ignored me after the polite introductions were done.
The fact that my friends suspected he might be gay made me furious with myself for not letting go right away and so ended up being slapped in the face with this awkwardness. For me the thousand dollar questions remained unanswered for life: “is he truly gay trying to cover it up by bringing along a smitten friend, or is he someone on his way to saying goodbye to Bangkok in the classic macho fashion?” As usual I vowed not to let it affect me but ended up tossing and turning in bed, growing more furious as I battled to nod off till the early dawn.
Last night I casually snubbed a last minute invitation by this friend to continue the party in Khao San road by saying I had an early morning gym session. The sleeplessness therefore added to my tension because I knew I can’t be able to do a decent workout if I did not get any sleep. It wasn’t my first late night party with gym the next morning.
It took my trainor two seconds’ glance at my face to know I will die that morning. He quickly adjusted the exercises by not adding the usual heavy weights. In the midst of a particularly sweat-drenched running exercise I kind of spilled my night’s torture. This was after he began telling me how his day started with a feeling of wanting to kill someone. “Me too!” I exclaimed. One thing about my expensive young hot trainor is that he quickly and unmistakably recognizes attraction and destruction in women. “Is it work? That’s why you had no sleep?” was the initial polite inquiry that gave options of one, answering gracefully like Aubrey Hepburn or two, bawling like Kathy Bates. He was clearly prepared for both.
“It wasn’t work, it was some asshole”, and then the dramatic misstep that made me loose a little footing. Realizing I was genuinely weak and not just trying to get out of a difficult exercise, he let me stop and rest. He urged me to entertain myself, relax and not to bother with it anymore. Because not many men are comfortable advising women about men, I felt grateful for this show of concern about my emotional well-being. But this meant that the session must end if I am to make it through the rest of the day. As I was signing out he bought me my first regular Coke drink in over five years. He said it’s an emergency energy booster as I clearly needed more sugar than usual. “And next time don’t come to work-out if you’ve had no sleep” he advised. I thought he was quite sweet to get me that Coke to renew my flagging strength. I didn’t reply that for a really shitty emotional state, the exercise somewhat helped my body to release the happy hormones.
So before showering I popped that Coke as if to save my life. My fatigue got me quite concerned as even my appetite was not working despite the workout and the fact that it was nearing lunch time. And sure enough, like an athlete who starved his body of carbohydrates several days before competition, then takes it in full measure to maximize its effects, the sugar and caffeine kicked in like a new drug. Hell, I even bought new training shoes to complement the energy boost.
And so I learned an important tip for that day. If I haven’t learned anything else this would be good enough for now.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)