14 September2004
Going to the Philippine Embassy tomorrow. The Consul wants to see me before giving the endorsement letter needed by the Pakistani Embassy to allow me a visa. They would probably ask first "why Afghanistan?"
And in a very professional manner I would answer "because nobody is giving a SHIT about that country going to the dogs, and in the midst of all the madness of the global war or terror being fought on Afghan soil, somebody should help the Afghan people claim a stake in their future. Will they be as brave as the East Timorese were? We'll see-- and that is really the point, isn't it? If I prove to be unable to contribute anything to help them, then at least I should bear witness..."
"And if you die before you can bear witness"? will most likely be the profound follow up question, and here I think I would be inclined to speak my heart though I doubt I could be so dramatic:
"Better to die doing what my convictions bid me, than to grow old and feeble not knowing what it could have felt like. Besides, if I survive it, I would have more memories to recall in my later years than just meetings, conferences, or how many hours I spent in front of the computer, or of how many activity reports I submitted, how long I had to sit through dialogues, listening to strangers talking about the same things over and over, year after year, and seriously doubting if I was helping to change the world. Because sometimes I think it would be nice to punctuate my trips: with happiness, such as in Mindanao, with fear and tension, such as in East Timor, with thrill and exhilaration, such as Sagada, with hopelessness such as Bangladesh, mischief as in Strassbourg, and friendship as in Brussels and the Hague, even the sadness of post 9-11 New York."
"Afraid?"
"Yes, as all my colleagues are. But I am more afraid of what my fear could prevent me from doing...."
"Maximize the funders' money?"
"O yea, there is that issue isn't there? The bastards are too scared to go in themselves so they pay someone else to do it. So 'buffalo soldiery' isn't it? But no, actually the correct answer is:
Seeing For Myself...."
