office transfer for 30 staff

it's the best thing we can do: realize our weakness and selfishness and then blend in with the rest

gising, pasok opis, kain, pagod, uwi, nood DVD,tulog

Ano ba to. Nakakahalata na yata ako. Sa susunod na linggo ikakasal na utol ko. Hindi ako inobligang umuwi para makicelebrate. May isolation na kayang namumuo sa pagitan ko at ng mga kapatid kong nasa Pinas? Tunay na bang maituturing akong OF na nalulugmok sa kawalan ng 'belonging' sa pamilya pagkatapos ng maraming taon sa ibang bansa-ibang kultura-ibang pag-uugali ng mga tao? Sabagay matagal naman nang alienated ang utol kong bunso sa akin mula nang nilayasan kong nanay niya. Simula nang nilayasan din nya ito, tila hiwalay na nga ang landas ng buhay naming magkakapatid. Ni hindi masama ang loob ko na ako lang ang wala sa kasal. Sa kabilang banda, hindi ko naman talaga maiwanan ang trabaho ko, kahit napaka-monotonous ng pattern nito: meeting, report, plan, conduct the activity, assess, propose, meeting ulit. Ang napakadalang na pamutol ng redundancy- sine, spa, karaoke, drinks. E kung walang me birthday, o anniversary, o victory, o bonus, e di wala. Meron pa kayang darating na life-changing circumstance sa buhay ko, na biglang hihila sa akin sa panibagong buhay? Yung hindi nangangahulugan ng pagkakakulong o pagkakasakit nang malala, kundi....yung.... iba. Minsan, tinitignan ko ang mga kasamahan ko sa opisina, ang pakiramdam ko sa kanila'y ganun din ang nararamdaman-waiting to exhale. Pero walang personal na usapan. Hindi namin alam ang mga sikreto ng bawat isa, kahit sumasabog sa malalalim na pakahulugan ang karamihan ng kilos at pananalita ng mga "colleagues" ko... heavy ang sense kong may kanya-kanya silang dinadala- each one of them....pero wala sa amin ang may comfort level na alamin ang anuman sa isa't isa. Or, well, dun sa mga bata, hindi siguro interesting sa matatanda kung anong preoccupation nila. But for the ex-pats, ganito rin kaya ang kundisyon ng relasyon nila sa pamilya nila?

36

Today they gave me a nice birthday dinner treat: Kang, Amraa, Chayanit, Dass, Noi, Ruki, Sayeed, Sanjay, together with Sunila, newly-arrived from Sri Lanka. Pla, Amraa and Nid gave me a photo frame, my first one, wherein I put the picture of myself with Zahra and placed it on my only bookshelf. The rest gave me a new cool notebook. I was a bit drunk, a bit disoriented with the company I had, completely new people and not the usual friends I have back home, but they were very sweet. I have not realized how much they appreciated my friendship until yesterday-- even Kang, the bitch.
Earlier, friends called me from Manila to remind me it's my birthday. Korapat sang a happy birthday song in Portuguese, while others sent messages through email and phone texts. Ruki, Noi, Nid and Sunila gave me kisses and hugs. Ton greeted me in tagalog. Zahra, my dear Canadian friend was on messenger and totally regretted going back before my birthday. Zahra and me are both pisces and both of the year of the rooster. We both like the same toothbrush brand, the color blue, the same kind of cakes and ice cream, the same music and movies,the same shops-- even the same guys. I swear she's my soul sister if not for the huge gap between our weights, heh!
That the group gave me cake at the end of dinner was not because it was customary but because they knew I preferred cake to any other dessert-- especially with alcohol.
That they knew exactly where to take me for dinner-- the place where we had Zahra's farewell party-- with the live jazz singers, showed me that they notice what I liked, and they get to know things about me. So much for "keeping a low profile" during much of my stay in Bangkok. Even people I hated in the office were there-- which taught me a fairly good lesson: you fight in the office, but you drink with friends.

sullen

A sullen but promising day, as most would say
as the cold morning will soon turn into warm afternoons
Birds are singing "bright and early love,for work and friends await"
It is my best season of the year, cold with no rain
But thoughts quickly turn to something a-gloom
"alas, I shall never get to know you"

Today, as tomorrow, as the future quite positively show
there's no turning back, no time to falter, or slow,
days are short and life is fleeting don't you know?
but oh so sadly, "I shall never get to know you"

N.C.