Dec 22, 2005
Newsbreak Cafe
What an unexpected treat! Susan Fernandez and Bobby Garcia singing Leah Navarro and Basil Valdez! He let his hair down "due to insistent private demand" and, with Susan playing the guitar, both performed some of the most memorable love songs I've heard in many, many years. None of the people I was with that night realized how precious that performance was amidst all the foolery and laughter of the half drunk Joel Saracho and friends. Once again, just like my realization about Eraserheads, the more I stay out of this country, the more things I took for granted before have become very valuable to me. Antonio Banderas said it in one interview: when he left Spain, many things that he even hated, came back very beautiful for him after a long time....
I felt just like that- i mean- Leah Navarro and Basil Valdez???!!!! pshchschchhh!!! Have I ever imagined in all my life???!!!! So I jostled, drank, danced, laughed, and pretended not to listen so hard because most of my friends there have probabaly heard them a hundred times before... but i really appreciated it and wished to thank them for this wonderful performance on my homecoming. I hope they realize that they contributed a lot of 'class' to that humble cafe that night.
January 20, 2006
October 22, 2005
office transfer for 30 staff
it's the best thing we can do: realize our weakness and selfishness and then blend in with the rest
September 05, 2005
gising, pasok opis, kain, pagod, uwi, nood DVD,tulog
Ano ba to. Nakakahalata na yata ako. Sa susunod na linggo ikakasal na utol ko. Hindi ako inobligang umuwi para makicelebrate. May isolation na kayang namumuo sa pagitan ko at ng mga kapatid kong nasa Pinas? Tunay na bang maituturing akong OF na nalulugmok sa kawalan ng 'belonging' sa pamilya pagkatapos ng maraming taon sa ibang bansa-ibang kultura-ibang pag-uugali ng mga tao? Sabagay matagal naman nang alienated ang utol kong bunso sa akin mula nang nilayasan kong nanay niya. Simula nang nilayasan din nya ito, tila hiwalay na nga ang landas ng buhay naming magkakapatid. Ni hindi masama ang loob ko na ako lang ang wala sa kasal. Sa kabilang banda, hindi ko naman talaga maiwanan ang trabaho ko, kahit napaka-monotonous ng pattern nito: meeting, report, plan, conduct the activity, assess, propose, meeting ulit. Ang napakadalang na pamutol ng redundancy- sine, spa, karaoke, drinks. E kung walang me birthday, o anniversary, o victory, o bonus, e di wala. Meron pa kayang darating na life-changing circumstance sa buhay ko, na biglang hihila sa akin sa panibagong buhay? Yung hindi nangangahulugan ng pagkakakulong o pagkakasakit nang malala, kundi....yung.... iba. Minsan, tinitignan ko ang mga kasamahan ko sa opisina, ang pakiramdam ko sa kanila'y ganun din ang nararamdaman-waiting to exhale. Pero walang personal na usapan. Hindi namin alam ang mga sikreto ng bawat isa, kahit sumasabog sa malalalim na pakahulugan ang karamihan ng kilos at pananalita ng mga "colleagues" ko... heavy ang sense kong may kanya-kanya silang dinadala- each one of them....pero wala sa amin ang may comfort level na alamin ang anuman sa isa't isa. Or, well, dun sa mga bata, hindi siguro interesting sa matatanda kung anong preoccupation nila. But for the ex-pats, ganito rin kaya ang kundisyon ng relasyon nila sa pamilya nila?
February 22, 2005
36
Today they gave me a nice birthday dinner treat: Kang, Amraa, Chayanit, Dass, Noi, Ruki, Sayeed, Sanjay, together with Sunila, newly-arrived from Sri Lanka. Pla, Amraa and Nid gave me a photo frame, my first one, wherein I put the picture of myself with Zahra and placed it on my only bookshelf. The rest gave me a new cool notebook. I was a bit drunk, a bit disoriented with the company I had, completely new people and not the usual friends I have back home, but they were very sweet. I have not realized how much they appreciated my friendship until yesterday-- even Kang, the bitch.
Earlier, friends called me from Manila to remind me it's my birthday. Korapat sang a happy birthday song in Portuguese, while others sent messages through email and phone texts. Ruki, Noi, Nid and Sunila gave me kisses and hugs. Ton greeted me in tagalog. Zahra, my dear Canadian friend was on messenger and totally regretted going back before my birthday. Zahra and me are both pisces and both of the year of the rooster. We both like the same toothbrush brand, the color blue, the same kind of cakes and ice cream, the same music and movies,the same shops-- even the same guys. I swear she's my soul sister if not for the huge gap between our weights, heh!
That the group gave me cake at the end of dinner was not because it was customary but because they knew I preferred cake to any other dessert-- especially with alcohol.
That they knew exactly where to take me for dinner-- the place where we had Zahra's farewell party-- with the live jazz singers, showed me that they notice what I liked, and they get to know things about me. So much for "keeping a low profile" during much of my stay in Bangkok. Even people I hated in the office were there-- which taught me a fairly good lesson: you fight in the office, but you drink with friends.
Earlier, friends called me from Manila to remind me it's my birthday. Korapat sang a happy birthday song in Portuguese, while others sent messages through email and phone texts. Ruki, Noi, Nid and Sunila gave me kisses and hugs. Ton greeted me in tagalog. Zahra, my dear Canadian friend was on messenger and totally regretted going back before my birthday. Zahra and me are both pisces and both of the year of the rooster. We both like the same toothbrush brand, the color blue, the same kind of cakes and ice cream, the same music and movies,the same shops-- even the same guys. I swear she's my soul sister if not for the huge gap between our weights, heh!
That the group gave me cake at the end of dinner was not because it was customary but because they knew I preferred cake to any other dessert-- especially with alcohol.
That they knew exactly where to take me for dinner-- the place where we had Zahra's farewell party-- with the live jazz singers, showed me that they notice what I liked, and they get to know things about me. So much for "keeping a low profile" during much of my stay in Bangkok. Even people I hated in the office were there-- which taught me a fairly good lesson: you fight in the office, but you drink with friends.
January 17, 2005
sullen
A sullen but promising day, as most would say
as the cold morning will soon turn into warm afternoons
Birds are singing "bright and early love,for work and friends await"
It is my best season of the year, cold with no rain
But thoughts quickly turn to something a-gloom
"alas, I shall never get to know you"
Today, as tomorrow, as the future quite positively show
there's no turning back, no time to falter, or slow,
days are short and life is fleeting don't you know?
but oh so sadly, "I shall never get to know you"
N.C.
as the cold morning will soon turn into warm afternoons
Birds are singing "bright and early love,for work and friends await"
It is my best season of the year, cold with no rain
But thoughts quickly turn to something a-gloom
"alas, I shall never get to know you"
Today, as tomorrow, as the future quite positively show
there's no turning back, no time to falter, or slow,
days are short and life is fleeting don't you know?
but oh so sadly, "I shall never get to know you"
N.C.
December 08, 2004
Women voting in Afghanistan
Afghanistan ang punta ko, eleksyon, ika-9 ng Oktubre, 2004.
Sa Kabul city ako mismo nadestino. Ito anya ang pinaka delikadong area
sa lahat ng deployment.
Sa mga araw papalapit ng eleksyon sa Afghanistan, marami ang
nagsasabing puputulan daw ng kamay ang babaeng boboto at hindi
mananatili sa bahay. Ang mga lalaking papayagan lumabas ng bahay
ang asawa, kapatid, nanay o anak ay puputulan din ng kamay. Marami
ang ayaw sa ink na "indelible", preferring the ink na "invisible" (tulad ng
ginamit sa East Timor). Dahil sa sandaling magmarka ito sa kamay nila,
malalamang bumoto sila.
Sino ang nagpalaganap ng ganitong mga pananakot? Ang lihim na mga
ahente ng Taliban. Ang Taliban ay ang Muslim fundamentalist faction na
tumuntong sa kapangyarihan sa bansa noong 1990s sa gitna ng mga
panggigyera ng mga warlords sa isa't isa. Biglang bigla, dumating ang
mga Amerikano(2001) at pinatalsik sila sa poder. Hindi ito
nangangahulugang wala na sila sa buhay ng mga Afghani. Lalong lalo na
sa buhay ng mga kababaihan.
Kahit na ayaw ng mga mamamayang Afghan sa Taliban, ang pananaw
nila sa papel ng kababaihan sa lipunan ay pareho naman (strangely) sa
paniniwala ng mga ito. Kaya hanggang ngayon, despite repealing all
laws barring women from public life, halos laganap pa rin ang bondage.
Ang dami pa ding naka-burkah, ang dami pa din naka arranged
marriage na mga babaeng teenagers sa matatandang lalaki (yuuk), at
kulang na kulang pa din ang mga duktor, nars, teacher, at professionals
na pumapasok sa trabaho sa araw araw.
Needless to say, hindi rin kami makalabas sa guest house na walang
kasamang lalaki, kahit bibili lang ng toothpaste sa tindahan sa kanto.
Isang babaeng election observer, lumabas na walang veil, dinakma sa
pwet. At kahit me kasamang isa pang babae, ay inikutan pa rin ng
bastos na lalake, dahil pumunta sa palengke ng gabi (as in 7:00 pm lang
yun).
Kaya malakas ang apprehension namin sa papalapit na eleksyon day. Sa
Kunduz province, may underground radio station na pinatatakbo ng
kababaihan, nanawagan sa mga botante na magsuot ng burkah at
lumabas para bumoto ("hwag matakot"). Pero hanga kami sa sinasabi
ng ilan sa kanila: kung tutoong me nangyari sa "disarmament program"
ng gobyerno (pag-surrender ng mga armas ng mga warlords), e ba't
andami pa ring gumagawa ng ganitong mga pananakot? At bakit dinig
pa rin ang putukan sa labas ng syudad? Nag-iisip ang kababaihan ng
Afghanistan, kelangan lang silang pakinggan.
Dumating ang election day. Ang dami pong naglabasan na kababaihang
naka burkah, at nakasuot pa ng kanilang "sunday best", pati alahas--
kumpleto. Halos lahat ng polling stations na pinuntahan namin ay may
kababaihang nakapila para bumoto, kahit na ilublob ang daliri nila sa ink
(na hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin nabubura sa daliri ko-- nagtest ako
kung nabubura) at makita sa village nilang bumoto sila.
They claimed this day for themselves too, and we felt very proud.
Babaeng observers lang ang pwede mag-observe sa female polling
stations. Sa mga lalaking polling centers pumunta ang mga kasamahan
naming kalalakihan. Mas marami ang mga botanteng lalaki syempre,
pero hindi 'absent' ang kababaihan. Sabi ng Minister for Women, kung
makaboto ang 45% ng kababaihan, success na yon sa kanila. Palagay ko
naabot naman iyon at ika nga "not bad for a first time".
Matapos ang election day ay nagpa shedule ako ng meeting with the
NGOs para sa organization ko na gustong mag establish ng links sa
bansa. Aba at ang nagsidating, guess who? Mga kababaihan. Tanong
ko "nasaan ang mga lalaki sa NGOs? Palagay ko bumuhos ang funding
sa women's NGOs at ang dami nilang sabay-sabay nag-organisa.
Palagay ko din minsan lang magkasama-sama sa isang meeting ang
mga ito-- ang iingaaay, pero ang sasaya: they did not follow the
agenda, and they talked all at the same time-- tapos ang kwento tungkol
sa pamilya kahalo sa kwento tungkol sa trabaho.
Hindi pa ako tapos mag-explain tungkol sa trabaho ng Forum Asia
tungkol sa human rights e sunod-sunod na ang tanong. Napaka-aktibo at
eager na eager na silang kumilos. Nakakapanindig balahibo ang kanilang
enthusiasm.
Sana magbunga ng maganda ang ginawa nilang sakripisyo sa botohang
ito. Sana makinabang sila mula sa gobyernong iluluklok nila sa bansa,
imbes na mapahamak dahil dito.
Hanggang ngayon nag-aabang pa rin ako ng balita kung may nasaktan
dahil sa kanilang pagboto. Sa kabutihang palad ay wala naman. Sabi ng
ilan, malamang ito'y dahil protektado ng lalaking member of the family
ang kababaihang pinayagan nilang bumoto, so napaka importante sa
bansang ito ang role ng kalalakihan para iangat ang estado ng
kababaihan sa pamilya nila at sa komunidad. On the other hand nasa
interes ni Presidential candidate-favorite Karzai na ingatan ang boto ng
kababaihan.
May tinanong kaming botante, nang iangat niya ang kanyang burkah
para pumirma sa ballot registry: hindi ka ba natatakot? Ang sagot niya:
basta nakabantay kayo (ang international community), hindi kami
matatakot.
Nakakataba ng puso, pero napakalaking responsibilidad.
Sa Kabul city ako mismo nadestino. Ito anya ang pinaka delikadong area
sa lahat ng deployment.
Sa mga araw papalapit ng eleksyon sa Afghanistan, marami ang
nagsasabing puputulan daw ng kamay ang babaeng boboto at hindi
mananatili sa bahay. Ang mga lalaking papayagan lumabas ng bahay
ang asawa, kapatid, nanay o anak ay puputulan din ng kamay. Marami
ang ayaw sa ink na "indelible", preferring the ink na "invisible" (tulad ng
ginamit sa East Timor). Dahil sa sandaling magmarka ito sa kamay nila,
malalamang bumoto sila.
Sino ang nagpalaganap ng ganitong mga pananakot? Ang lihim na mga
ahente ng Taliban. Ang Taliban ay ang Muslim fundamentalist faction na
tumuntong sa kapangyarihan sa bansa noong 1990s sa gitna ng mga
panggigyera ng mga warlords sa isa't isa. Biglang bigla, dumating ang
mga Amerikano(2001) at pinatalsik sila sa poder. Hindi ito
nangangahulugang wala na sila sa buhay ng mga Afghani. Lalong lalo na
sa buhay ng mga kababaihan.
Kahit na ayaw ng mga mamamayang Afghan sa Taliban, ang pananaw
nila sa papel ng kababaihan sa lipunan ay pareho naman (strangely) sa
paniniwala ng mga ito. Kaya hanggang ngayon, despite repealing all
laws barring women from public life, halos laganap pa rin ang bondage.
Ang dami pa ding naka-burkah, ang dami pa din naka arranged
marriage na mga babaeng teenagers sa matatandang lalaki (yuuk), at
kulang na kulang pa din ang mga duktor, nars, teacher, at professionals
na pumapasok sa trabaho sa araw araw.
Needless to say, hindi rin kami makalabas sa guest house na walang
kasamang lalaki, kahit bibili lang ng toothpaste sa tindahan sa kanto.
Isang babaeng election observer, lumabas na walang veil, dinakma sa
pwet. At kahit me kasamang isa pang babae, ay inikutan pa rin ng
bastos na lalake, dahil pumunta sa palengke ng gabi (as in 7:00 pm lang
yun).
Kaya malakas ang apprehension namin sa papalapit na eleksyon day. Sa
Kunduz province, may underground radio station na pinatatakbo ng
kababaihan, nanawagan sa mga botante na magsuot ng burkah at
lumabas para bumoto ("hwag matakot"). Pero hanga kami sa sinasabi
ng ilan sa kanila: kung tutoong me nangyari sa "disarmament program"
ng gobyerno (pag-surrender ng mga armas ng mga warlords), e ba't
andami pa ring gumagawa ng ganitong mga pananakot? At bakit dinig
pa rin ang putukan sa labas ng syudad? Nag-iisip ang kababaihan ng
Afghanistan, kelangan lang silang pakinggan.
Dumating ang election day. Ang dami pong naglabasan na kababaihang
naka burkah, at nakasuot pa ng kanilang "sunday best", pati alahas--
kumpleto. Halos lahat ng polling stations na pinuntahan namin ay may
kababaihang nakapila para bumoto, kahit na ilublob ang daliri nila sa ink
(na hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin nabubura sa daliri ko-- nagtest ako
kung nabubura) at makita sa village nilang bumoto sila.
They claimed this day for themselves too, and we felt very proud.
Babaeng observers lang ang pwede mag-observe sa female polling
stations. Sa mga lalaking polling centers pumunta ang mga kasamahan
naming kalalakihan. Mas marami ang mga botanteng lalaki syempre,
pero hindi 'absent' ang kababaihan. Sabi ng Minister for Women, kung
makaboto ang 45% ng kababaihan, success na yon sa kanila. Palagay ko
naabot naman iyon at ika nga "not bad for a first time".
Matapos ang election day ay nagpa shedule ako ng meeting with the
NGOs para sa organization ko na gustong mag establish ng links sa
bansa. Aba at ang nagsidating, guess who? Mga kababaihan. Tanong
ko "nasaan ang mga lalaki sa NGOs? Palagay ko bumuhos ang funding
sa women's NGOs at ang dami nilang sabay-sabay nag-organisa.
Palagay ko din minsan lang magkasama-sama sa isang meeting ang
mga ito-- ang iingaaay, pero ang sasaya: they did not follow the
agenda, and they talked all at the same time-- tapos ang kwento tungkol
sa pamilya kahalo sa kwento tungkol sa trabaho.
Hindi pa ako tapos mag-explain tungkol sa trabaho ng Forum Asia
tungkol sa human rights e sunod-sunod na ang tanong. Napaka-aktibo at
eager na eager na silang kumilos. Nakakapanindig balahibo ang kanilang
enthusiasm.
Sana magbunga ng maganda ang ginawa nilang sakripisyo sa botohang
ito. Sana makinabang sila mula sa gobyernong iluluklok nila sa bansa,
imbes na mapahamak dahil dito.
Hanggang ngayon nag-aabang pa rin ako ng balita kung may nasaktan
dahil sa kanilang pagboto. Sa kabutihang palad ay wala naman. Sabi ng
ilan, malamang ito'y dahil protektado ng lalaking member of the family
ang kababaihang pinayagan nilang bumoto, so napaka importante sa
bansang ito ang role ng kalalakihan para iangat ang estado ng
kababaihan sa pamilya nila at sa komunidad. On the other hand nasa
interes ni Presidential candidate-favorite Karzai na ingatan ang boto ng
kababaihan.
May tinanong kaming botante, nang iangat niya ang kanyang burkah
para pumirma sa ballot registry: hindi ka ba natatakot? Ang sagot niya:
basta nakabantay kayo (ang international community), hindi kami
matatakot.
Nakakataba ng puso, pero napakalaking responsibilidad.
September 15, 2004
Why Afghanistan?
14 September2004
Going to the Philippine Embassy tomorrow. The Consul wants to see me before giving the endorsement letter needed by the Pakistani Embassy to allow me a visa. They would probably ask first "why Afghanistan?"
And in a very professional manner I would answer "because nobody is giving a SHIT about that country going to the dogs, and in the midst of all the madness of the global war or terror being fought on Afghan soil, somebody should help the Afghan people claim a stake in their future. Will they be as brave as the East Timorese were? We'll see-- and that is really the point, isn't it? If I prove to be unable to contribute anything to help them, then at least I should bear witness..."
"And if you die before you can bear witness"? will most likely be the profound follow up question, and here I think I would be inclined to speak my heart though I doubt I could be so dramatic:
"Better to die doing what my convictions bid me, than to grow old and feeble not knowing what it could have felt like. Besides, if I survive it, I would have more memories to recall in my later years than just meetings, conferences, or how many hours I spent in front of the computer, or of how many activity reports I submitted, how long I had to sit through dialogues, listening to strangers talking about the same things over and over, year after year, and seriously doubting if I was helping to change the world. Because sometimes I think it would be nice to punctuate my trips: with happiness, such as in Mindanao, with fear and tension, such as in East Timor, with thrill and exhilaration, such as Sagada, with hopelessness such as Bangladesh, mischief as in Strassbourg, and friendship as in Brussels and the Hague, even the sadness of post 9-11 New York."
"Afraid?"
"Yes, as all my colleagues are. But I am more afraid of what my fear could prevent me from doing...."
"Maximize the funders' money?"
"O yea, there is that issue isn't there? The bastards are too scared to go in themselves so they pay someone else to do it. So 'buffalo soldiery' isn't it? But no, actually the correct answer is:
Seeing For Myself...."
Going to the Philippine Embassy tomorrow. The Consul wants to see me before giving the endorsement letter needed by the Pakistani Embassy to allow me a visa. They would probably ask first "why Afghanistan?"
And in a very professional manner I would answer "because nobody is giving a SHIT about that country going to the dogs, and in the midst of all the madness of the global war or terror being fought on Afghan soil, somebody should help the Afghan people claim a stake in their future. Will they be as brave as the East Timorese were? We'll see-- and that is really the point, isn't it? If I prove to be unable to contribute anything to help them, then at least I should bear witness..."
"And if you die before you can bear witness"? will most likely be the profound follow up question, and here I think I would be inclined to speak my heart though I doubt I could be so dramatic:
"Better to die doing what my convictions bid me, than to grow old and feeble not knowing what it could have felt like. Besides, if I survive it, I would have more memories to recall in my later years than just meetings, conferences, or how many hours I spent in front of the computer, or of how many activity reports I submitted, how long I had to sit through dialogues, listening to strangers talking about the same things over and over, year after year, and seriously doubting if I was helping to change the world. Because sometimes I think it would be nice to punctuate my trips: with happiness, such as in Mindanao, with fear and tension, such as in East Timor, with thrill and exhilaration, such as Sagada, with hopelessness such as Bangladesh, mischief as in Strassbourg, and friendship as in Brussels and the Hague, even the sadness of post 9-11 New York."
"Afraid?"
"Yes, as all my colleagues are. But I am more afraid of what my fear could prevent me from doing...."
"Maximize the funders' money?"
"O yea, there is that issue isn't there? The bastards are too scared to go in themselves so they pay someone else to do it. So 'buffalo soldiery' isn't it? But no, actually the correct answer is:
Seeing For Myself...."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)